Donald Sterling: Biggest. DBag. Ever.

If you’re a carbon based life form, you’ve heard that the mistress of Clippers Owner, Donald Sterling (who was being sued by Sterling’s wife over gifts Sterling gave her from “marital property”) released some tapes where Sterling was recorded saying racist things like: “It bothers me a lot that you’re associating with black people. Do you have to?” Sterling goes on to say that, while he’d be totally cool with it if his mistress SLEEPS with black people, it bothers him that she brings him to clippers games. No really, I swear.

That’s right boys and girls, we have ourselves a ball game. An already despised NBA owner: 1. has a mistress, 2. allegedly gave her millions of dollars of things belonging to his wife, 3. has already been sued by the US Dep’t of Justice, and forced to pay millions of dollars in a settlement, for being a slumlord who wouldn’t rent to minority tenants, 4. overtly hates black people, 5. says he doesn’t want black people at his team’s games…even though the coach of his team and most of his players are black. If being a rich dbag were a game, Donald Sterling just played the Ace of Spades, pissed all over the cards, and punched your mom in the face on his way out.

What would a professional sports owner have to do at this point to top Sterling in a game of whose a bigger A-hole? I can’t imagine it. It’s going to take a video surfacing of (Guitar) Jimmy Dolan playing golf with Satan. Or Daniel Snyder waterboarding native americans in his basement. It just seems SO unlikely that ANY owner could top what just came out about Donald Sterling.

Unless…maybe…could it be? Dare I hope? Wait for it…..

Yes! We have JUST the guy to do it! Donald Sterling can top Donald Sterling! Because as we’ve just learned, what has come out so far may only be the tip of the iceberg. Sterling’s mistress may have HUNDREDS OF HOURS of tapes where he says crazy racist stuff. Not only that, but Sterling allegedly called up his mistress and tried to bribe her not to release the rest of the tapes, saying “How can we make this go away?” So, I’m suuuurrrrrreeeee there isn’t anything interesting or inappropriate on the yet to be released tapes. Nope, not at all.

Sterling’s such a bad guy that he’s like a caricature of an evil villain in a kevin smith movie. It’s as if Voldemort and Gargamel had a kid that grew up to own an NBA team.

As I think about all this, I find myself pondering what NBA Commissioner Adam Silver’s response should be. You’ve got the clippers players’ turning their warm ups inside out to hide the clippers logo, and LeBron James saying things like “there is no place for Sterling in our league.” Minority groups are protesting. Sponsor’s are dropping the clippers with lightning speed. And the fans? They’re holding up signs that say things like “I brought a black guy to the game. I’m not sorry.”

So, I guess the obvious solution is force Sterling to sell, right? Maybe that’d be the cleanest thing. But can Silver do that? Does he have the power to FORCE someone to sell his property because of something he SAID, regardless of how despicable?

Didn’t Kobe allegedly sexually assault a woman in a Colorado hotel? He still gets to play. Didn’t Jim Ursay just risk people’s lives by driving drunk? Nobody I’ve heard is saying he should sell. Did Ray Lewis kill someone? I can’t remember, memories of his super bowls keep getting in the way. Riley Cooper just got a new contract. Ty Cobb’s in the hall of fame. And don’t even get me started on Michael Vick.

Maybe there is a valid point or two in there somewhere but you know what? I don’t care. Donald Sterling is an incorrigible asshat and I agree with Lebron: ” he has no place in the league.” If Sterling refuses to sell, and the other owners and/or commish can’t kick him out, it’s time for plan B: No NBA player signs with the clippers regardless of the contract they’re offered.

If Sterling can’t be forced to sell the team, well, no player can be forced to sign there either. Even a drafted player doesn’t have to sign with the team that drafts him. So, if the players all stand together on this, it would seem they have the trump card. While the owner may control the team, you can’t HAVE a team without players. The round orange ball isn’t going to find its way into the hoop all by itself. That’s just physics.

Let’s see where this goes. If I’m Adam Silver and this gets even messier, I might start having second thoughts about that shiny commish job I just got.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Donald Sterling: Biggest. DBag. Ever.

  1. stri says:

    UPDATE: Adam Silver wins. Apparently, there is a provision of the NBA constitution that says a owner can be forced to sell his team if 3/4 of the other owners vote to force him to sell. Silver is calling that vote, which means that Sterling is a goner. Even if some of the owners are reluctant to set a precedent of an owner being voted out because of something he SAID (I’m looking at you, Mark Cuban), Silver assured they’ll have no choice but to vote his way. The players, media, fans analysts, etc., have been effusive in their praise for Silver for calling this vote; it’s obvious that they’ll be equally hostile to any owner who votes to keep Sterling. So to recap, the owners’ choices are to either: 1. vote out Sterling; or 2. endure protests, terrible press, charges of being a racist sympathizer, sponsors leaving them, and all of their players thinking they’re a traitorous scumbag. So, let’s have that show of hands.

    Well played Mr. Silver (*golf clap*).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *