A Mini-Inquisition on the NBA Playoffs

Basketball is such a game of matchups and adjustments, individual duels and coaching tete-a-tetes.  And, because of all of this, it really lends itself–from the spectator’s viewpoint–a perfect sport for the series.  This is why I love the NBA playoffs. 

The NCAA tournament is the best sporting event going, but the one thing that the NBA playoffs has on it is the intrigue of the series.  If the NCAA tournament decided to play best-of-seven series starting in the Sweet 16, it would become literally perfect, as a sporting event.  In fact, it would be so good, that I might not ever watch any other sporting event (and, I probably wouldn’t be able to anyway, since it would take most of the year to play).  But, the NBA playoffs has these matchups, these adjustments from game to game that just doesn’t happen anywhere else in sports. 

Baseball plays series, but the nature of the game–namel, that the only real head-to-head athletic “matchup” is between pitcher and batter and the pitcher is different every game–does not lend itself to any real adjustments from game to game.  There, obviously, is incredible intrigue in baseball series directly resulting from the different pitching matchups and whatnot, but these between-game adjustments and strategies do not happen anywhere near the extent to which they do in basketball, when it is the same 5 starters and 7 reserves against the same 5 starters and 7 reserves for seven straight games over one two-week period.

Football would be incredible when it comes to coaching between games of a series, but the severity of the sport makes it just about impossible, physically, to have a series (unless you decided to scrap the playoffs and take the best regular-season teams from each conference and play a “Super Series,” but clearly a 16-game season cannot possibly give us enough clarity to accurately reward just two playoff teams).  Basketball gives us a gruelingly long regular season, that does a good job at accurately selecting and seeding the teams.  It also allows us ample fodder for analysis of what team matches up best with what other team, what player is going to go mano-a-mano with what other player, what coach will be scheming to stop what system, and so on and so on.

This is what makes the NBA Playoffs so uniquely awesome.

Unfortunately, because of a variety of life factors (mainly because I get paid to something other than watch sports unfortunately), I have not been able to watch see all these little nuances this year, but I have, as the dedicated sports enthusiast as I am, been able to catch a good amount of games and feel as if I have a bird’s eye view of the 2009 Playoffs.  Then again, there is so much more to know.  That is why, instead of doing amateur analysis, I am going to venture into these playoffs through the medium of rhetorical questioning.  Some will have answers, some will have conjectures, so will have absolutely nothing.  I just hope it makes a little bit of sense when it’s all complete.

• #1 Cleveland sweeps #8 Detroit 4-0
  • How long would the series have to be for it NOT to have been a sweep?  Best of 13?  19?  107?
  • Was Chauncey Billups really that good?
  • When can we officially dub LeBron the “best player ever?”  Is it blasphemous to even post such a thing?
    • Okay, I know it’s too early now.
    • Yes, I saw MJ, in his prime, and if you know me, you’ll know that there are very few people who hold His Airness is such high esteem.  I have even called him the best athlete in the history of the world, narrowly edging out Alexander the Great.
    • BUT…is there really any doubt that LeBron will go down as a better player than Michael?  Honestly?  Where is LeBron’s Pippen?  Where is LeBron’s Coach Jackson?  Mo Williams and Mike Brown?  Really?  The only valid response to any of this is:  where are LeBron’s six rings?  Okay, fair, enough, I’ll shut up from now until 2017, but don’t forget that I said it now, in 2009. 
  • Is it sad, even a little bit, that these great Pistons teams are pretty much dead?
•  #1 Los Angeles beats #8 Utah 4-1
  • Has there been a better first-round coaching matchup?
  • Is I was a 7-foot European basketball player, would I grow feminine hair, sweat like a pig, have incredible finesse, and be afraid of any contact whatsoever?  Like is this a nature-nurture kind of thing that we shouldn’t mock for fear of unfairly stereotyping?
  • Is Pau Gasol the most underrated player in basketball?
  • Were those two questions really stupid to post back-to-back?
•  #2 Boston leads #7 Chicago 3-2
  • Would anyone complain if we scratched the rest of the playoffs and just had these two teams play over and over again every night for six weeks before starting the Lakers-Cavs Finals in Cleveland?  Honestly?
    • No, really, this series has been so incredible, that I will be rooting hard for the Bulls tonight, simply because I want a Game 7.  For the second time this week, I will find myself struggling to pay attention to the hometown Sixers because this other series–in which I have nothing emotionally invested and between two teams that will not win the title–is just so riveting.
  • Does anyone else get pissed off when announcers keep talking about this being the battle to see who is the best UConn Huskie of all-time? 
    • Now, I am not a huge Ray Allen fan, but hasn’t he had a career that Ben Gordon won’t even touch if he reaches his ultimate “upside?”  And, if the Bulls win this first-round series, does that mean that Ben Gordon (26 years old) is a better career player than Ray Allen (33 years old)?  Come on.  And, if you’re Rip Hamilton, aren’t you irritated by all of this talk or are you too busy hating AI?
  • Does anyone care that I saw Rondo play, as a freshman at Kentucky, and said, “Wow, this guy is gonna be a phenomenal pro, but he’ll be a sleeper because the rest of the team stinks?”
    • For the record, I am generally terrible at seeing pro success in college ballplayers.  I thought Lou Roe would be better than Marcus Camby, that Marvin O’Connor would be better than Jameer Nelson, and that Aaron McKie would be better than Eddie Jones and Rick Brunson better than both of them.  So, I am going to toot my own horn about Rondo.
  • Why doesn’t Paul Pierce have any scars after being stabbed 18 times in the face?  Is that why he only grows patches of beard?
•  #2 Denver crushes #7 New Orleans 4-1
  • How can a home team POSSIBLY lose by 58 points in a playoff game?
  • Is Chauncey Billups really that good?
  • Is the fact that we asked that same question in relation to his current team being great and his former team being terrible the answer to the question?
  • Is the fact that Carmelo was the go-to guy on the 2004 Olympic Team (“The Nightmare Team”), but is not on the 2009 Nuggets team more of an indictment of Team USA or a praise of the Nuggets?
  • How can Tyson Chandler go from “so incredibly bad” to “really pretty good” to “really pretty terrible” in consecutive seasons?
  • Is the West-Posey combo the best ever former A-10 teammate combination on the same pro team in NBA history?  If so, what does that say for our conference?
•  #3 Magic lead #6 Sixers 3-2
  • Should we lose respect for Dwight Howard for the elbow he threw at Dalembert?
  • Should we lose respect for Dwight Howard for the lack of his team’s confidence in his crunch-time scoring ability/FT shooting?
    • I mean even Shaq got the ball in crunch-time and Howard’s not that bad a FT shooter
  • What in the world is DiLeo thinking starting Willie Green over Lou Williams?  Am I the only one who sees how much better the team plays with Lou instead of Willie?
  • Who in this world does not hate Stan Van Gundy?  Magic fans?  I don’t think so.  Magic players?  Clearly not.  Fans of any other NBA team?  Definitely not.  Shaq?  Hahaha.  Jeff Van Gundy?  Maybe…
  • Would the Sixers be more or less likely to pull off this upset if they had a healthy Elton Brand?  Is it depressing that we even have to ask this question?
    • Honestly, I think there is too much heat thrown on Elton’s play this year.  Yes, it was a bad deal, but I think it was a bad deal because he’s not healthy.  I refuse to be convinced that this team is not better off with a healthy Elton Brand.  He’s too good of a player to be a detriment.  And, to all those people that say “you won’t win a title with Brand as your highest-paid player,” we sure as hell aren’t winning one without him.  This run-and-gun offense is nice and all, but ask Phoenix how good it is in the playoffs.  And, the Sixers aren’t one-tenth as good as Phoenix was.
  • Who the hell is Courtney Lee anyway?  Yeah, what?
•  #3 San Antonio is upset by #6 Dallas
  • In 2006, what odds would you have given me that neither of these teams would be the best in the state of Texas in 2009?
  • Can Manu possibly be that good?
    • The Spurs got hammered in this series, by an aging Mavs team that really isn’t that good.  To whimper out in five games is poor.  And, everyone seems to think that it would have been totally different if Ginobli had played.  Really?  Come on, this team is old.
  • Jason Kidd versus Tim Duncan…in 2009…would you call it fantastic?
  • How much does Dirk Nowitzki look like my cousin, Mike?
    • A lot.
  • Should I be banished from NBA watching for thinking that Tony Parker may even be underrated?
    • I hate everything about him, starting with his national heritage, but take a look one day at his shooting percentages and remind yourself that he’s a POINT GUARD.  He’s unreal. 
  •  Is it wrong to be sad that the so-called San Antonio “dynasty” is pretty much over?
    • Yes.  Yes, it is.  And, folks, this is coming from someone who SWEARS by defense and “playing the game right” in every sport.  And, I do not agree that this team is boring.  They do it right.  But…it is so hard to root for a team that whines and moans and complains so much.  Really, really hard.  Even for me.
  • Is The Big Fundamental old or just even more “fundamentally sound?”
•  #4 Atlanta leads #5 Miami 3-2
  • Has this series even started yet?
  • Is it on TV?
  • Is it possible for a series to go seven between two entertaining, athletic, hungry teams to be so incredibly boring? 
    • Well, if the Heat win tonight, then, yes, it is possible.  This was probably the one non-Sixers series that I was looking forward to the most, and it’s been a complete dud.  Like, awful.
  • Should I even waste more time on this series, as it has gone so far?  No.
•  #4 Portland trails #5 Houston 3-2
  • How funny will it be if the Rockets finally win a playoff series and it is the first one (as currently constructed) WITHOUT Tracy McGrady?  Is anyone else rooting for that?
    • I feel bad because I like McGrady, despite his childish, awful antics this year.  But, yes, I am rooting for it because, well, it’s funny.
  • How old is Greg Oden?
  • How unoriginal am I that I just used that joke?
  • How good is Brandon Roy?
    • This is a great storyline because coming out of UW, he put everyone into one of two camps–either people thought he was going to be a star and rookie of the year and all that OR they thought he was purely a product of the Lorenzo Romar system and that his ceiling was as a nice role-player on run-and-gun team.  I’m happy that it was the former, even though I believed the latter at the time.  Again, my estimation of college players?  Not good.
  • Does anyone else believe that no matter who wins this series, that they will give the Lakers a nice tussle in Round Two?
  • Do I have to stop asking inane questions about the NBA Playoffs?
    • Yes, because my work day is over and BSB doesn’t pay me enough to work “overtime.”