Why does everyone have to guarantee victory these days? And, even worse than that, why are they doing it in regular season games? There are two guarantees that are immortalized and fantastic–Joe Namath in Super Bowl III and Moses Malone’s 1983 “Fo’, Fo’, Fo'” prediction–everyone else needs to shut up with the guarantees.
The beauty of Namath and Malone is that they were big-time players, making big-time predictions for big-time games. Joe Namath, the All-American quarterback, guaranteed victory over a vastly superior team in the game of all games. Moses Malone, one of the best players of all-time, guaranteed that not 
only would the 1983 Sixers win the championship, but that they would do it with three straight series sweeps (hence, the “Fo’, Fo’, Fo'”), even though that meant sweeping teams with Bird, Magic and Kareem. The best part about these two “recognized” guarantees is that they followed through–basically. Namath’s Jets (22-point underdogs) defeated the mighty Colts, and Moses’s Sixers won the title (though they did only go 12-1), including a sweep of Magic and Kareem’s legendary Lakers in the Finals. Oh, by the way, Joe Namath was the MVP of Super Bowl III, and Moses Malone was the MVP of the 1983 NBA Finals.
Fast-forward to 2007: I don’t even know who Anthony Smith is, let alone why he is guaranteeing victory in a REGULAR SEASON GAME. What I do know is that it really drives me crazy.
Thanks for listening, friends…
I have a pretty decent idea why a mediocre player would guarantee victory for a regular season game. Twenty-four hours ago, not even sports gurus like yourself knew who Anthony Smith is. Today, he has a headline in the sports section of every major daily. I now know that Anthony Smith is the Steelers’ defensive back, a 2006 third-round draft pick, called in to play this October when their starting free safety had to have spleen surgery. And that, you see, is the beauty and magic of irritating, wildly extravagant claims–also known as publicity stunts.